Albatraous

Interesting and funny links. A place to visit at home after work for 10 minutes to relax. PS: That's snow, not dandruff ;)

Category Archives: Funny

John Lewis Christmas Advert 2011

‘Nuff said.

Well, not really. It’s a rather long advert playing to a massive cuteness factor of a gormless looking child, waiting impatiently for Christmas day.

On the plus side, YouTube added a snowflakes option (next to the caption toggle) and the progress slider has a snowflake instead of a dot. Strangely, this snowflake option doesn’t appear on any other video I have seen recently. Nice touch though.

Anywho, without further ado, here is the video:

After watching this video, have a read of Charlie Brooker’s latest article (about this advert etc) which is not only hilarious, but shows that the advert doesn’t cause everyone to burst out in tears like they have caught their genitals in a safety door.

Click his face (if you want to, I wouldn’t want to touch his face) to go to the article.

 

[Update] Having read his article now (and watched all the other dreadful adverts) I must say the John Lewis one is the nicest of the lot for one simple reason.

It’s about giving.

The others are simply “Hey shop with us and buy loads of useless expensive junk”. But the John Lewis one is the opposite. I didn’t (and won’t) cry at the advert, but it’s impressive that they went this route.  Of course it is a marketing thing (make people think we care more about being nice than profit) but at least they are trying to show a non-profit-making side of their company.

Good for them. Makes me glad I shop at their Waitrose store on a regular basis.

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STOP THIS CRUELTY! Puppy is shot by owner!

Spider-man, Spider-man: Does need therapy like any other man

Rather funny

Link: Unreality Magazine

I will admit, a few of my posts so far have been from another site I tend to view on a daily basis:

http://unrealitymag.com/

The main reason why is because they post a variety of information, from funny images, to game news, to tv show reviews.

It has to be one of my favourite sites due to the sheer amount of content and I recommend you check it out if you have enjoyed any of my posts so far. Although I probably will be posting some of their links as well, I will only be putting up the ones I have enjoyed.

The best one of today is for all you Age of Empires fans. Click the link below to view.

Link Here

This child is DOOMed…lol

Every time I see a video like this, it gives me many ideas for the pranks I can pull on my future children. Such as a water pistol fight where I use orange juice instead of water. Or something really smelly.

I think I am going to be a great Dad lol 😀

Wild Bear…is a gentleman

I don’t know why, but every time I see an animal do human things, I think it’s cute. Well, unless the human thing is along the lines of starring on X-factor. No animal should have to suffer that.

How the Daleks saved Christmas

 

How the Daleks saved Christmas

[Source]

George Carlin’s Incomplete list of Impolite words [NSFW – language]

I am a huge fan of George Carlin (RIP) and one of my favourite sketches of his is this:

Below are the words in order 🙂

Godamn, bitch, bastard, crud, crap, turd, shit, dingleberry,
piss,iddle, leak, mung, cheese, laying some cable, dropping a load, ass,
booty, hiney, tokhes, bum, buns, rump, cheeks, tits, jugs, bazooms,
knockers, knobs, lungs, balloons, brown eyes, balls, nuts, onions, jewels,
rocks, stones, ballbag, jism,come,shoot, cream, wad, juice, peckertracks,
pearl necklace, crabs, dose, syph, clap, gleet, raincoat, scumbag, rubber,
gasket, french tickler, dildo, fuck, screw, lay, diddle, push, plow, hump,
cut, bang, poke, batter, wham, beef injection, vitamin F, knock-up,
putout, dipyourwick, hide the salami, quickie, nooner, matinee, pop your
cookies, bust your nuts, get your rocks off, bananas & cream, piece of
ass, nookie, poontang, cunt, cooz, cooch, crack, gash, notch, twat, slash,
ginch, hole, hatch, slit, snatch, quim, bob, snapper, beaver, tail, pussy,
muff, bearded clam, furburger, tuna taco, bush, hair pie, wooley booger,
glory hole, merkin, mucket, button, clit, cherry, clamp, snappin’ pussy,
taint, boy in the boat, man in the canoe, mutt rag, on the rag, flying the
flag, riding the cotton pony, having the painters in, hard-on, rod-on,
bone-on, boner, stiff, piss hard, wet dream, hot nuts, horny, randy, blue
balls, lovers nuts, cunt struck, queefer, pussy fart, asshole, bunghole,
little brown eyeball, bugger, brown, ream, cornhole, buttfuck, backdoor,
bite the brown, sugar bowl pie, mustard road, up the old dirt road,
hershey highway, fudge packer, pound cake, finger fuck, dry hump, cop a
feel, tit fuck, french fuck, one man band, hand job, french job, blow job,
head job, rim job, hum job, pipe job, suckoff, give head, give face,
gobble, cop a stem, cop a doodle, go down on, muff dive, moustache ride,
sit on one’s face, yodeling in the gulley, sixty-nine, seventy-one,
sixty-eight, golden showers, around the world, daisy chain, sloppy
seconds, dog style, mongolian cluster fuck, group grope, gang bang, circle
jerk, well hung, dick, prick, dork, dong, tong, doniker, dingus, wang,
schlong, schwanz, schmuck, putz, pork, pecker, peter, prong, tool, rod,
hammer, shaft, stick, snake, knob, lob, stem, root, joint, piece, gun,
meat, beef, pork, weenie, skin flute, meat whistle, talleywacker, middle
leg, short arm, rod of love, joy stick, love muscle, dingdong, tube steak,
pink pencil, bald headded mouse, trowser snake, one eyed monster, one eyed
wonder worm, jelly roll, puddin’, jerkoff, jackoff, whackoff, pulloff,
beatoff, fist fuck, wanking, beating your meat, flogging your dong,
pounding your pud, bleeding your weed, stroking it, giving it a tug,
beating the bishop, jerk the gherkin, shootin’ putty at the moon, pocket
pool, pimp, hooker, trick, queer, queen, punk, faggot, quiff, dyke, diesel
dyke, lezzie, bulldagger, box lunch, seafood, rough trade, eat me, fuck
you, up your ass, fuck off, piss off,piss on you, stick it, stuff it,
shove it, ram it, jam it, cram it, sit on it, get laid, get in, get off,
get it on, get it up, mother fucker, cock sucker, old fart, fart face,
fart sniffer, cocksman, scatfan, asshole, peckerhead, scumbag, fuck up,
fuck off, ball breaker, ball buster, a real pisser, cock teaser,
cuntslapper, ass kisser, brown nose, shitass, shit heel, douchebag,
motherstrapalonian.

Also, I discovered someone compiled this list, putting it into categories:

Link

 

Neighbours gets gritty

This is too funny. Shame it never aired.

Christmas card (NSFW – Swearing)

I was asked by a colleague what is the best program to create a greeting card in. I tend to use GIMP portable (Link), as it gives you similar abilities to Photoshop (well, at the level I use it at anyway) yet is free and fits on a USB stick.

Here is the result. It’s very simple (even for me), but thought I would post anyway as it is rather amusing.

If you know of a different design for this type of card, please let me know.

Note: It is laid out like this so it can be printed duplex. I printed it in MSPaint (shudder) and set it to 2 pages wide, 1 page high, and printed 2-sided on the printer.